I enjoyed my childhood. If you look at pictures of me then, I’m smiling all the time. My eyes are bright. My pigtails are tight. My dresses are frilly, just how I liked them.
This tale isn’t going to be based solely on my childhood. Or even have a clear timeline at all. I’ll share journal entries, anecdotes, conversations, sermons. What I’m trying to convey is my story about a belief system that drove me, compelled me, and dictated to me my every move.
Behind the grins of the little girl in old photos was a solid hope. A goal of growing up to be something. A holding onto myself.
At some point, that hope was lost, as I entangled myself more and more into the world of my church at the time.
The Baptist branch of faith has so many diverging directions, it’s difficult to follow their road map. All I was taught was that “we” were “right”, and everyone else was “wrong” and “going to Hell.”
Looking back now, I think we were a bit off but more on that later.
Everybody has some weirdness in their life. Whether it’s an odd uncle, or a crazy sister, or an obscure family ritual, all of us have hidden parts of our past. For a long time, I didn’t want to talk about my “other” life as I’d termed it in my head. Maybe if no one knew, the past wouldn’t rear its ugly head and bruise me.
Now I’ve reached a time to divulge my experience in all its rabid intensity—from long, sweeping skirts to a looming fear of a rapture at any moment
We are shadows from our pasts. We are solid in our present moments. We are bright clouds for our future.
This blog is neither autobiography nor memoir. It is also not meant to tell the stories of any other member of my family or shame any person I met through my then church.
Rather, it is an exploration into what I experienced and how I saw the world then. It is a commentary on how I see the world now. Perhaps, if I might venture to use the term, it will be some sermons on how I feel now. (hopefully, you will not fall asleep during but do feel free to grab snacks as needed.)
Thanks for being here with me.